His partner dragged him to the beach. His thoughts were in the mountains.

Unusual beachgoers

Here, in the shade under a palm tree, a woman in a suit lies on a deck chair. Her elegant outfit is strikingly inappropriate, and the red high heels on her feet look completely out of place in this setting. Just like the tie, suit, and leather shoes of the man sitting on the deck chair next to her. The slight smiles on their faces combined with the expression of concentration and determination in their eyes make it seem as if they are negotiating an important business deal.

A young man can be seen from several meters away. Although he is wearing shorts and a stretched shirt, there are many open books and printed papers lying around him and on him, rustling in the sea breeze. It is all scientific content: textbooks, pamphlets, reference lists, and research reviews.

A thirty-year-old woman walks along the beach, getting her feet wet in the waves. She is wearing a bikini and a doctor’s lab coat, a stethoscope dangling around her neck. With a concentrated expression on her face, she is explaining something to her older companion walking beside her. Was she consulting?

These two women – one wearing a bikini top, the other a wide-brimmed straw hat – are not the only unusual couple walking along the beach. You only have to look around to notice another one. Both are in their forties, she is wearing beachwear, and looks around with a happy expression on her face. He – judging by his expression – has completely different feelings – he looks around with a look of disappointment. Maybe it’s because of the outfit? In addition to knee-length trousers and a sports shirt, the man is also wearing a climbing harness and a helmet on his head.

There’s this girl with dark circles under her eyes and a determined expression on her face. She’s trying to saunter over to one of the lounge chairs, but she’s carrying so many things that she drops something every now and then – this is the latest bestseller by a widely read author, this is a set of fitness bands, a mask and a snorkel, this is a book with crossword puzzles and Sudoku. There are so many of these things that it’s impossible to carry them all without losing one now and then.

The scene described above, taken literally, has no relation to reality. No one in their right mind would walk on a beach in climbing gear, a gown, and a stethoscope. But if we look at it metaphorically, as an expression of what might be going on in some people’s minds, the image takes on a deeper meaning.

The equal sign is not for everyone.

A woman is lying on a deck chair in the shade under a palm tree and a man is sitting next to her – in fact, both are wearing beach clothes. They met on the way from the airport to the hotel, and discovered that they run companies in related industries. The chance meeting turned into a business opportunity that neither of them wanted to give up. As a result, instead of going to the beach, they began negotiating a contract that promised them huge profits. Although they came there with their families, now the families are in the background. Relatives want to spend time with their businesswoman or businessman, but they accept the futility of seeking their attention. At first, they are likely to hear: “Yes, I’m sorry, I’m done and I’ll get back to you.” And then perhaps reproach: “Why do you think we can afford such a vacation? This doesn’t happen like that, someone has to earn everything!”

Daily life suction

There is a young man in a swimsuit about ten meters away, but he is holding a textbook in his hand. Right after returning from vacation, he has a deadline for submitting his master’s thesis. He did not want to give up the trip, but he also cannot relax, thinking about the amount of work that awaits him upon his return. There are many people like him at the resort. A businessman who, although on vacation, has to take care of the current affairs of the company. The editor-in-chief of the magazine divides her time between her family and the deadline for submitting the next issue to the printing press. The adult daughter of an elderly father, whose vacation coincided with his hospitalization – the woman now stands between the needs of two families: the family she came from and the family she created.

Each of these people, when they went on vacation, left behind things that required their attention and that they could not get away from.

Masks grown

A thirty-year-old woman walks along the beach in a bikini, leaving her gown and stethoscope at home. After residency and specialization, this is her first real vacation. A vacation she couldn’t afford, but her parents gave her to celebrate passing her exam and honoring many years of hard work. The older woman walking next to me is a nice lady I met by chance in a restaurant. When she learned about the young doctor’s profession, she immediately asked her for advice. On the one hand, she just wanted to be on vacation, but on the other hand, she feels the awakening of the professional curiosity and sense of mission that drew her to medical studies. So she puts on a professional mask and begins an informal consultation. Is she the only one who does this? Certainly not.

The art of compromise

A couple in their forties, both dressed in beach clothes – she with a blissful expression on her face, he with a somewhat disappointed expression that he tries to hide as he watches her – have arrived for the long-awaited and desired vacation. However, he prefers to be in motion, sweating and pushing the limits of his body somewhere on technically difficult climbing routes. Stationary vacations are not for him. But he does not want to disappoint her, so he puts his desires aside. And again, he is probably not the only one. But why do something like this to yourself? In the name of other values ​​that are also important: being a good partner or a parent who puts the expectations of children above their own needs.

All or nothing

Finally, a girl with dark circles under her eyes and an expression of determination and fatigue on her face. This expression is the result of the constant pressure she feels. Maybe she is very demanding of herself and still feels the need to achieve: more academic degrees, more steps in her career, more success in sports. Or maybe she has ADHD, which means that she cannot plan and always agrees to too many things, and then, not wanting to fail, she does her best to achieve these things. Regardless of the reasons – very high self-demands or ADHD – a similar pattern also occurs when you go on vacation. There is also pressure to make the most of your vacation. Do all those things that you normally don’t have time for. Visit all the places that you can’t easily return to because of the distance. And even though she is finally on vacation, she still feels internally stressed and dissatisfied. Because when she reads a book, she doesn’t see the sights. When she goes sightseeing, she doesn’t play sports. When she plays sports, she doesn’t try all those local specialties. These vacations are very tiring.

The power of awareness

Each of the characters described here, while on vacation, does not get a good rest. And everyone needs something different to get such a rest someday. The businesswoman and the businessman will most likely need to realize their workaholism. The student will eventually write and finish his master’s thesis. But the entrepreneur and the editor probably need to find the optimal time for vacation in their professional routine and learn how to divide the time of the trip for rest and the necessary minimum of “checking” from professional duties even during the trip. The daughter of a father who is hospitalized will probably benefit most from knowing that there is a capable and trustworthy person right away. The young doctor and all other people who sacrifice themselves in the name of values ​​and a sense of mission will benefit most from having clearly defined boundaries: “You are now on vacation, not at work!” All spouses, parents and other people who please and please each other – the ability to talk openly and first determine the vacation wishes of each person with whom he is vacationing, and only then choose a place that meets these wishes. The girl with the dark circles under her eyes is given a big sign that says “Slow Down!” which she probably ignores anyway, but it might make her feel more realistic, at least for a moment. But there’s also something universal that will be helpful to each of the above people. Knowing that what’s happening — the way they operate on vacation (and in life) — isn’t healthy.

Przemysław Moko — psychotherapist and knowledge promoter, works in the field of schema therapy. Author of the blog “PsychoWiedzy” and the podcast “People tak ma”